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The Girl IUsed To Be

A deeply personal story about the experiences that shape us, the roles that consume us and finding yourself again after years of caring for everyone else.

“Writing this book helped me understand the girl I used to be, the woman life shaped me into, and the woman I am still becoming.”

I grew up in the 1960s, when we were taught to be grateful, get on with things and keep our emotions firmly to ourselves. That stiff upper lip carried me through family upheaval, marriage, motherhood, homelessness and loss. I became a wife, a mother, a grandmother and a health and wellbeing coach. Caring for other people was not simply something I did; it became part of who I was.

Then, after decades of responsibility, my home grew quiet. For the first time, I had the space to consider what I wanted from my own life. I found myself thinking about the spirited little girl who once rode her red Chopper bike beneath the roar of aeroplanes. She had been brave, curious and full of adventure. Somewhere along the way, I had lost sight of her.

The Girl I Used To Be is my attempt to understand how the experiences of my past shaped the woman I became. It is a story of difficult family relationships, motherhood, survival and beginning again. Above all, it is about recognising that the qualities we believe we have lost may have been within us all along.

Many women spend their lives meeting the needs and expectations of others. We create homes, raise families, build careers and become the person everyone relies upon. Then one day, the demands begin to lessen and the house grows quiet. In that unfamiliar stillness, we may wonder who we are when nobody urgently needs us.

The beliefs we form in childhood can remain with us for decades. They influence what we tolerate, how readily we speak up and whether we believe our own needs matter. Without realising it, we can carry those early lessons into our relationships, our parenting and the choices we make.

Understanding the past cannot change what happened, but it can help us view ourselves with greater compassion. It can allow us to recognise how far we have travelled, acknowledge what we have survived and consider what we want the next part of our lives to become.

Why this book deserves your time

This is not a book about blame. Nor is it about pretending that positive thinking can erase everything that has happened.

It is an honest and reflective memoir about family, identity, difficult relationships and the many ways a woman can lose sight of herself while caring for others. Through Karan’s experiences, readers may recognise parts of their own lives and feel encouraged to look towards the future with renewed hope.

Returning to Your True Self

H.O.M.E.

At the heart of this memoir is Karan’s journey back to the parts of herself she had lost sight of.

Honour Your Story

Look back at the experiences and family dynamics that influenced how you came to see yourself and the world around you.

Observe Yourself with Compassion

Consider the emotions, reactions and patterns that can develop when feelings have remained unspoken for many years.

Mind and Body Nourishment

Recognise the importance of caring for your own physical and emotional wellbeing after a lifetime of putting other people first.

Evolve Into Your Next Chapter

Reconnect with the dreams, joy and sense of adventure that may have been buried beneath years of responsibility.

What you will find inside the pages

The Girl I Used To Be

• An evocative look at growing up in the 1960s and 1970s, when children were expected to be resilient and difficult feelings were rarely discussed.
• An honest account of family relationships, marriage and motherhood-and how caring for everyone else can gradually change a woman’s sense of identity.
• Personal stories of upheaval, homelessness and loss, alongside the friendships, courage and unexpected moments of happiness that made it possible to begin again.
• Reflections on finding your voice, acknowledging your own needs and understanding why healthier boundaries matter.
• A hopeful return to the spirited girl on the red Chopper bike-and a recognition that some parts of ourselves are never truly lost.

To Feel Seen and Understood

Recognise emotions and experiences from your own life within Karan’s story.

For Reflection and Hope

Look at your past with greater understanding, without allowing regret to define your future.

For Renewed Purpose

Feel encouraged to consider what you want from the years still waiting ahead.

Gain the courage to step outside the roles you have played for decades.

Be Among the First to Hear More

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What is included

• The first two chapters delivered by email • Look out for Karans reflective letters
• News and updates about the book •
The opportunity to be among the first to know when the book becomes available

Meet the author

Karan Holloway

Karan Holloway is a Certified Health and Wellbeing Coach with more than twenty years of experience working in and alongside the NHS to help people improve their health and wellbeing. She lives in Christchurch, Dorset, and is a mother of three grown daughters and a grandmother of three. At sixty-two, Karan is sharing her story in the hope that other women will recognise something of themselves within its pages. Through her honest account of family, identity, loss and resilience, she hopes to remind women that the parts of themselves buried beneath years of responsibility have not disappeared-and that the next chapter of life still belongs to them.

Karan wrote The Girl I Used To Be as part of her own journey back to the person she had lost sight of beneath years of caring for others. By sharing her story, she hopes to encourage women to reflect on their own lives and reconnect with the parts of themselves they may have left behind.